So, it’s that time of year again. AGAIN? Wait, what? Seriously, I can’t believe it’s almost Christmas. AHHHHHHHHH!
Now, I have always been a fan of Christmas movies and decided earlier tonight to try and pick my all time favorite by making a list.
When I was younger, we traditionally watched Silent Night, Deadly Night (thank you Aunt Sherri) with my mom’s side of the family while making tamales on Christmas Eve. Nothing like a Santa slasher flick to get you into the Christmas spirit. Then a few years went by and Chris & Kyle were obsessed with Home Alone. Or, Hella Home and Floydy would say. That was my favorite for awhile. Part 2 is even better. A few more years down the road and it was all about National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. Then out came Jack Frost (the horror movie with Shannon Elizabeth) and THAT was my favorite for awhile. All of these movies hold a special place in my heart.
However, my all-time favorite Christmas movie, hands-down…..is Gremlins. It’s one of those movies that has the ability to bring Christmas charm into your life anytime of the year.
I looked at a gazillion Christmas movie lists and they were all the same. “A Christmas Story”, “It’s a Wonderful Life”, blah-blah-blah. I want to make my own but I know I’m forgetting some really good ones.
So, please post a comment with your favorite Christmas movie and maybe, if it’s good….I’ll add it to my list.
PS…The Santa Claus with Tim Allen, does not count.
So today was LOVE FEST in San Francisco. It was off the hizzy. There is so much amazing music and you just travel around from float to float experiencing all the different tastes.
You also get to see alot of weird shit!! The worst was probably the handjob. It really made me sick and sorta ruined my day.
But the real reason I am writing this post is not to tell you about LOVE FEST but what I saw that hurt my heart.
The music is LOUD, I mean we probably should be wearing ear plugs. Every single one of us. But I saw a normal looking guy dancing to some hard core house music with what looked like a newborn infant hanging in a pouch on his chest. He was swaying around and dancing pretty hard. This poor little baby’s ears must have exploded.
I think this has got to be considered criminal at some point. I mean, there are over 400,000 watts of sound and energy and to bring a child there in the first place is just wrong. I am so upset about this I wish I had said something to the fucking asshole. Are people really that fucking stupid?
Someone needs to shoot that guy.
Friday night we went out to the 80’s prom for Himay’s birthday bash. Some highlights of the night include fake mustaches, a lambourghini, and a trophy for BEST DRESSED. Yes fellas, I took home the prize and turned it into a shot glass when I got home. Check out the pictures on the Short Bus!
Well, I was searching through my RSS feeds to find something to blog about. I came across this picture of a chopped hot dog salad. I immediately thought about my aunt Mushy and our ongoing vienna sausage jokes. So, Mimi…if you’re reading this, it’s for you. Let me know how it turns out. It looks tasty. PSYCHE!
Taste Spotting is a great blog. You view the pictures and then if you like it, click on it, and it takes you to the site where the recipe and/or article is. I particularly like this because you are able to find out about lots of great cooking blogs. The pictures are usually very artistic and eye catching. One of my favs. Check it out!
So, for those of you who don’t know, my boyfriend, Nate has an awesome website. Now, to make it even better, you can comment on pictures! Also, vote on them and send as e-cards to whomever you please. So hop on the bus and enjoy if you haven’t already.
Peace and love always!
CANCER - Change of Scenery
You may want to take a break from the chaos at home where the same old messes never get resolved. A stranger from a different culture could offer you some hope. Wisdom is experienced, not taught.
I love you, Brother.
I have been to only TWO Sunday Celebrations so far at the San Francisco Spiritual Enrichment Center. www.sfglobalheart.com for those of you who might like to check it out. It is amazing and has been exactly what I have been looking for as a place to comfort my soul. I will be attending many more. I can tell you that right now.
I am planning on taking a class beginning in Septemeber called the “Foundations of Science of Mind”. I cannot tell you how excited I am to be able to move forward with something that I thought seemed so out of reach. The power of ourselves really does exist. The Divinity that lies within each one of us can manifest whatever we desire. Once this is achieved internally, the rest of life becomes so simple.
I am not claiming to be an expert, even though I know we all are. I am learning how and becoming more aware of my true self and the more in touch I become, the more I trust. The more I trust, the more I believe. The more I believe, the more I can move forward into the positive light that I refer to as God.
This all of the sudden becomes a touchy subject. But the God that I grew up thinking I should believe in, made no sense to me whatsoever. However, the God that I have grown to love and trust in, since my brother passed away, is something so much greater.
It’s the Divine Goodness that we are all a part of. It’s everything that is great and wonderful in the world. It is perfection. What is it that can come between you and this Divine Goodness? Well, for me, it’s self-doubt. What I have experienced in my life without the knowledge of greater power. There is no sense back-tracking through it all because it doesn’t exist anymore. Freely knowing that I am capable of everything Great, and moving forward from there, is all that it takes. And now, to quote Ernest Holmes…..
Letting go of all previous mistakes, I know that today I am free and unhindered. I feel the operation of Divine Love and Universal Law in all of my affairs. I know that everything I am doing is goverened by Love and controlled through this Law. I am conscious that I am one with all people in love, in essence, and in joy.
I am also taking a Philosophy course this fall. (THANKS AUNT JIZZ, FOR THE INSPIRATION)!! My registration date is July 18. My brother’s birthday of all days. Yet, another sign from him that I am moving forward in the right direction.
Also on my agenda, the job search. I did feel myself getting pretty discouraged last week, However, after my Sunday Celebration, I feel confident and bright towards my efforts and know that the right thing will come along. Whether it’s a job that I am in love with to begin with, or not, it will give me funds in order to pursue something bigger.
I have great strength, I’ve discovered. I thank my brother for this spiritual awakening and know that he is sitting next to me and guiding me along my way. He’s doing it for all of us. We just have to listen.
From an Angel on high, a tender message of love was softly whispered into the ear of this humble scribe….
Weep not for me now that I have passed.
Remember the laughter, the affection, the joy,
not just the recent tears.
Cherish the memories,
our hopes and dreams.
Hold fast to the love that we shared.
Be happy with the time we spent together and being anew.
For I am not really gone, I am closer than ever before.
As the morning sun rises and throughout the busy day….I am with you.
Until the setting sun disappears on the horizon and we watch the day turn into night…I am here.
You may feel a faint breeze stir around your head, while you slumber
as I gently kiss your forehead, “Good night.”
The stars that shine so brightly in my heavenly sky
help me watch over you and keep you from harm.
I am the wind in the trees and the song of a bird.
I am moonbeams in a midnight sky and a glorious rainbow after the storm.
I am morning dew and freshly fallen snow.
I am a butterfly flying overhead and a puppy happily at play.
I am a smile on a stranger’s face, a gentle touch.
A warm embrace.
Listen to the wind for my message of love.
Watch the sun rise and set in the sky with me.
Feel my essence encircle you with warm memories.
Open your heart to know…I am not gone.
Reach deep into your soul…You will find me.
I am here.
Have no fear.
I am with you,
Always.
Well, I have arrived back in the beautiful City of San Francisco. There is such an amazing feel in the air here. Always. It’s just pure beauty and uniqueness. I have a tendency to fall pretty hard into any situation I am put in. I fall hard, it feels so perfectly right for awhile and then BOOM! I wake up and smell the smelling sauce.
I love it here. I don’t want to move away. This City has so much to offer. I am one of the luckiest people I know just to be able to be in a place like this. No wonder I have been here for 6 years +.
So, my job search has begun. I have sent my resume to quite a few places that I am really interested in. Human Resource Asst. at the San Francisco Zoo is on the top of my list. I have always wanted to work at the zoo. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS! I have also applied for admin positions at a few non-profit organizations. The Glide Foundation, The Arc of San Francisco and an organization specializing in teen pregnancy. I have also applied to SEVERAL random jobs that I could give a shit about just to get the ball rolling. I am also meeting with a temp agency on Monday just to make certain I will have some money coming in.
I quit smoking last Sunday afternoon and haven’t even considered taking a puff to date. I learned how to meditate and I tried to hypnotize myself and it is working thus far. I am also working on forcing out any negative energy the moment I feel it pop up. I have been eating healthy. Lots of fresh fruits and vegetables. I plan on going to a celebration circle on Sunday and looking into starting yoga classes. Life is feeling good for me right now.
I am so happy to have such a wonderful partner by my side. Together I guess we can do anything. All we need to do is try. He’s so open and thoughtful that sometimes it just doesn’t seem possible. No one can seriously be this wonderful. Then I see the sincerity in his eyes when he tells me things he means. I know that we will make it through anything that can possibly come our way. Hand in hand, you are my best friend.
I am starting to become more and more trusting of myself and my beliefs which is such an amazing feeling. I had/have a lot of self doubt to overcome before I can truly believe in myself. I am on the road to a brighter future. The past is long gone.
Mother’s Day was a very interesting day for me. I felt torn between so many emotions. It was not a bad day, at all, just full. We started off by making breakfast for Danita (my step-mom). No not the wicked kind. Blueberry pancakes, eggs, bacon, and mimosas with flat, 3-year old champagne. I had got her a pretty little perfume bottle (she collects them) from the same store in Galveston that Floyd and I had got one for Mother’s Day last year. I thought she would appreciate that. She teared up a little bit and while I think she had an okay day, I know it was hard on her.
She went to see Floyd by herself and I’m sure that helped her a little bit. Although, sometimes people say things because they are trying to accomodate you and not themselves. So while she told my Dad that she wanted to go by herself, I feel like she may have liked it if all of us had gone together. It’s hard to tell sometimes with Danita but that only tells me one thing. I need to get to know her better. Would be easier if we lived closer, I know. BUT….Danita, if you’re reading this, hopefully next time you have an all girls trip, you will send an invite my way.
Next, my mother, Richard, Ritchie and Ryan all drove out from San Antonio to come to the gravesite for Mother’s Day. I thought it was going to be the roughest part of my day. It was far from it. My mom had written a beautiful prayer that she read along with some other poems that she found on the internet. I am so proud of her. She has been inspiring me since I got into town. I thought that I needed to come to Texas to help my family. That I was the strong one that could offer them what they needed. Turns out, they are helping me more than ever.
I had a dream about my brother before I had decided to come back to Texas and he said “hey, mom is trying to call you”. I thought it meant that I now had a mission to come here to help my mother. She has found her own light and she is spreading love. Not hate, not selfishness, just love and beauty and I thank her for that. Spirituality is really helping her move on. She has even invited someone to her church who has recently lost someone and there is no doubt in my mind that it won’t help them heal. I think she has a lot to offer the world in these respects and am anxious to see where it takes her. I am also very intrigued to learn more and I remain open. I think my brother wanted me to listen to what she had to say.
We are going to meet my biological father sometime this week. I wish I could tell my Dad, but I’m embarrassed or ashamed or something. I can’t quite figure it out. Maybe he will read this so I don’t have to and post a comment. More on this topic to come.
Another set of emotions was that of Nate having lost his mother (being able to help me so selflessly) but feeling torn to pieces by his own emotions. I wish I could have given you a hug and I hope our talks as well as those of other’s who care about you, helped ease your pain. Even if it was just for a moment. I know Betsy will be happy too. Just as soon as she has her brother back! You guys need eachother. You never should have left her in the first place, but I am eternally grateful that you did. Otherwise, I would not have my Baby.
As we all know, the pain of losing a loved one will never ever go away. We just learn how to deal with it better. Our minds somehow adjust so that we are capable of maintaining our normal lives as we are eaten alive by our thoughts and emotions. We need to have an outlet. I still haven’t found the best one for me, but there are a few things that help. Writing my personal feelings for the world to see is one of them. Praying is another. I have many goals to set forth on upon my return. Trying something new AT LEAST once a month, is one of them.
This blog post may not have any structure. It may seem rambled upon. Maybe a little abstract. Maybe the words I use or don’t are inapropriate and don’t make any sense? Well, folks….that is just how my mind works. I have been trying too hard on here to structurize everything I write. It makes sense once I’m done but it just takes to long. I like freely writing, which to me, means rambling. It’s alot easier to go to the next thought before I forget it and I have a terrible memory. So, should you think I sound frantic, like I’m rambling away or should you think my sentences and paragraphs are running together and there is no sense to be made anywhere? There probably isn’t. So stop reading.
